(Perry D. News Service) Cambridge , Mass. In what's going to be the educational story of the year, Harvard announced stunning news. Diversity in admissions will further expand. President Drew Faust announced today that Harvard will start admitting beautiful women to Harvard. President Faust stated, "We know there's a lot of unhappy guys on campus, they look around and might spend 4 years without seeing a single '8' on this campus. " President Faust's announcement starts with an outreach and exchange program with University of Alabama's Alpha Phi sorority for the fall of 2018. Harvard , in 2019, will start admitting certified beautiful women. To supervise this diversity project and train the admission's office will be Steven Mnuchin's wife Louise Litton. Faust announced the new diversity admits in 2019 will not look like " experts at a buffet table, be wearing leggings when they are 40 pounds overweight, and look like they sleep in a dumpster." Faust stated clearly that this is a more holistic approach to admissions. Faust also announced that there will be no viewpoint diversity in hiring when asked if diversity would expand to viewpoint diversity in faculty hiring. Faust stated that faculty members understand that they must be registered Democrats and "kick back" money in donations to Democrat party members. (This is a parody, if you haven't figured that out by now).
