Kemper Hoyt Speaks About the Imus Outrage

We here at News Alert have been e-mailed by that crafty Illinois resident Kemper Hoyt.Hoyt has written a parody of the Imus situation.Here's the whole e-mail:

OUTRAGE IN AFRICAN AMERICAN COMMUNITY OVER IMUS’ REMARKS!

Leading voices of American’s hip-hop community sprung into action yesterday to condemn the hurtful, hateful, racist views of probable-racist and sexist hatemonger radio host Don Imus. Imus, a long time radio host and likely racist-sexist, found himself caught in the middle of a storm following remarks he made about the Rutgers University Women’s basketball team.

Imus referred to the proud, decent victims as being, “nappy-headed ho’s.”

Such racist, sexist, and hateful words sparked outrage among many in the African American Community. The multi-million selling rapper, Ludacris, author of musical pieces such as, “Move Bitch,” “Fatty Girl,” and the seminal “Shake That Sh*t,” was livid when he heard Imus’ words.

“Man, here’s this fu*kin White Devil talkin’ ‘bout our ho’s! He can’t be talkin’ bout our ho’s! Only we can talk about our ho’s like dat!” Said an agitated Ludacris. “Plus, he didn’t say nothin’ about how our ho’s love to fu*k and suck my di*k and how they ain’t nothin’ but a piece of as* for me to fu*k! That cracker don’t know nothin’ about our ho’s!”

Such outrage was felt across the spectrum of the African American landscape. Rep. Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick (D-Mich), Chairwoman of the Congressional Black Caucus, was similarly outraged.

“White people can’t say things about us without suffering the consequences. They cannot attack us without reply.” Stated Ms. Kilpatirck calmly and reasonably. Evil white racists have it in their DNA to be mean. They are genetically disposed to oppress and devalue. They are evil people who disenfranchise minorities at every turn because that’s the way they are. It’s a fact. Oh, and they have no rhythm and can’t dance, either”

Added the soulful Rap Poet Ludacris, “Yeah, plus they can’t keep their bitches in line! Bitches are there to fu”k and su*k and that’s all they good for!”

When asked to comment on Ludacris’ remarks, Ms. Kilpatrick called the questioning reporter (a white male in his early 50’s) a sexist-racist and stormed out of the room.