COLUMNIST FIRED FOR OBAMA ERROR - A PARODY

Kemper Hoyt e-mailed us this:

COLUMNIST FIRED FOR OBAMA ERROR

Dateline: Cleveland, OH. Kemper Hoyt, reporting

Cleveland Plain Dealer Columnist Hank Nesh was fired Wednesday after submitting a piece about Barak Obama that didn’t use the phrase “Rock Star” to describe the Democratic presidential nominee.

“We run a tight ship here at the Plain Dealer,” says managing editor Ruth Wingo. “We will not have stories about Barak Obama that do not refer to him as a Rock Star.”

Nesh claims that he meant no ill by omitting the phrase when discussing the beloved Senator from Illinois, whom many refer to as a Rock Star.

“I thought that everyone just assumed that Senator Obama is like a Rock Star, so I decided to try a different approach by calling him a Christ-Like figure. I had no idea that I would be sacrificing my career.”

Managing Editor Wingo made clear to Nesh, and all other Plain Dealer staff, at a mandatory Obama-Speak meeting last fall that Rock Star, or something similar, must be used at all times to refer to the wonderful, charismatic, refreshing, Rock Star-like Democratic candidate for president.

While Wingo concedes that Nesh meant well, she cannot forgive his error.

“Christ-like is a no-no because it purports to elevate Christian beliefs over those of the soulful, peace-loving Muslim religions as well as Buddhism and Hinduism,” explains Wingo. “By replacing the acceptable Rock Star with a sexist, racist, homophobic Anglo religious figure, I guess you could say that Mr. Nesh went from the frying pan, into the fire.”

“I just wanted to help, to try something new,” says Nesh via phone at the Barak Obama Media Re-Education Center somewhere in the Mojave Desert. “I want to come back home! I want to see my kids and my…” Sadly, the phone connection died before Mr. Nesh could finish his thought.

While some critics say that forcing writers to refer to Obama as a Rock Star is unfair, Wingo laughs off any barbs and points to the Plain Dealer’s lenient policy.

“Aside from Rock Star, we would gladly accept: Force of Nature, Dynamo, Superior Being, Best Person in the World, and even Natural Born Leader to describe Senator Obama. We are not close-minded here at the Plain Dealer!”

Don’t tell that to Mr. Nesh.